Fear of heights…acrophobia. It’s especially a hindrance to travel adventure. I’ve had a recurring dream about needing to descend a ladder of an incredibly high building. It’s a frightful dream just shy of a nightmare. It has reoccurred here and there. In the dream, I always faced the dilemma of taking the careful steps down each rung of the ladder while realizing that it was an impossibly high structure. At the same time, I’m always wondering why I am faced with this challenge. I figured it stems from being acrophobic. After our Ecuador trip, I realized the dream is more of a premonition if you believe in them. A fear of heights had prevented me from enjoying certain ascents on trips. The CN Tower in Canada and other famous towers throughout the world were avoided by me while my family members enjoyed them instead. This never bothered me as I liked staying grounded while waiting for them to complete their sightseeing up high. I didn’t avoid all excursions involving height, however. For example, I “enjoyed” zip lining when I turned forty and rode the longest alpine slide in Europe a few years later. Both of the latter were done just to keep up with my young and carefree sons. I was terrified on the tiny airplane we had to fly in over the Hawaiian Islands but having my husband next to me was reassuring and comforting.

On a recent trip to Iceland, my friend ascended the tower of the grandiose Hallgrimskirkja Church and I stayed below. Later, when I read about the tower vantage and realized I could’ve taken a photo of that unique viewpoint, I felt a tinge of disappointment. This small frustration with myself motivated me to try to overcome this fear of heights.  Now my newfound interest in photography was going to help me rid the fear of heights perhaps. In small steps…

Two weeks prior to this trip, a girls trip to Santa Barbara, California was one of those small steps. We ascended the eight floors or so of the historic and beautiful county courthouse to reach the amazing rooftop view. A hint of vertigo and acrophobia made me rush through the photography and quickly descend.

But it was the trip planning research I did of the Basilica del Voto Nacional in Quito that truly motivated me to accomplish reaching the tower for the lofty, notable view of the second highest capital city in the world. Also in the trip planning research, the allure of the teleforico intrigued me. The teleforico of Quito was described as reportedly the highest cable car in the world. That also became a goal of mine. Ascending the tower was almost more of a goal than the view itself. On the bus tour of Quito, we stopped at the gothic basilica. In the mizzling rain, the basilica was even more mysterious and formidable. We took the elevator up to the tower and into the rafters.

Being Notre Dame’s twin, the ambiance of this imposing basilica was only missing Quasimoto ringing the tower bells. Inside the airy charcoal-gray rafters, the texture of the “walls” seemed claylike and unfinished. There was no floor but a long wooden plank and ropes on each side. Before now, I hadn’t envisioned the ledge or a portal overlooking the city but I assumed it was some type of platform. At the end of this wooden plank—there it was—the ladder of my frightening dreams.

The metal ladder attached to a wall at the edge of the rafter would take us up onto the panoramic ledge outside. I wasn’t terrified. I was excited and pronounced to my husband, “that’s the ladder of my nightmares.” I really hesitate to call it a nightmare because it has since become such a celestial experience for me. Peter Gabriel sang in his song Big, “…and my heaven will be a big heaven… and I will walk through the front door.” He also sang in the song In Your Eyes, “I see the doorway to a thousand churches.” Both of those lyrics reflect the emotions and imagery I experienced at that ladder in the rafters.

Emerging from the dark and gray rafters’ portal into the raindrops and light of day and onto the ledge, the panoramic view of Quito with its thousands of rooftops below welcomed us. On our first full day in Quito, this was quite an introduction to the first cultural world heritage site. The fusion of Renaissance, Flemish, indigenous and Mudejar-style architecture was beyond impressive. The preservation of that architecture and the numerous historical buildings contribute to that stamp of approval.

Reportedly, Quito is the best preserved and authentic Latin America center. I carefully walked around the ledge with my husband and another couple of tourists. It was thrilling and daunting at the same time. I did it! This was a first. Circling around both sides, I thought that would be it but there was another elevated area—a spiral staircase leading up to an additional vantage point. I told my husband to go on up and I’d take a photo of him from below. I knew my limits. (the video below gives you an idea of the intimidating ladder and vantage point.)

It started to sprinkle heavier at this point. I wanted to take shelter and keep my camera bag dry but I did not want to descend the metal ladder by myself just as I always struggled with in my frightening dream. I backed up to descend the ladder while trying to juggle the camera bag, too. I knew I’d feel so much better if Patrick could descend first with me next as if he might need to catch me. I called for my husband, “Patrick… Patrick!” He couldn’t hear me that high up. I found a bit of an overhang and stood under it but the mixture of wind and sprinkling was sticking.

Eventually, Patrick found me back at the portal and descended first. A perfect ending to a former bad dream. Closure. I’ve heard the quote, “If you don’t transform your pain, you transfer it.” Although I know this experience isn’t a serious one or even an equivalent to pain, a fear of heights was always an uncomfortable emotion for me and one which I coped with by compensating for it. On this day though, I transformed my phobia and overcame it to experience new heights… literally. Maybe now I won’t keep transferring it either onto the next trip and the next trip by avoiding all towers and heights. “I see the doorway to a thousand churches.”

© Gina Michalopulos Kingsley

photos by Gina Michalopulos Kingsley

Stories like this can be found in the book, Vagabonderie by Gina Michalopulos Kingsley and published by Design Vault Press. This is a shortened excerpt.